Sunday, September 21, 2008

Going to end the blog

Unfortunately, I am going to have to end my blogspot. I have spent a few moments (3 to be exact) pondering my presence on the WWW. However, it appears as though the world sees everyone one the web. So with that being said, I cannot have a negative appearence anywhere. I consider myself to be a professional in many senses of the word. On the other hand, I am the big kid! I love to goof off and expose the taboo. I am candid and politically in correct. So bring the conversation while it last. I can only be cosmetic for so long... Expiring soon.

;-) be good.


Friday, August 22, 2008

blogging blag WTF@$@%#

Ok, so I thought I would share a drunken evening out with my friend Lori (who btw can hold her liquor better then me). It all starts at about: [times may be adjusted due to memory loss.]
6:30pm: I get home clean up and take off to....uhhh Zen I believe (in Addison)
7:30pm: I am at Zen...some what amused by the crowd; I begin my normal heckling and socializing with others.
7:45pm: Lori shows up. The shots begin.
7:47pm: I take my first shot. Jäger...mmMM
7:58pm: I get a bright idea to go somewhere else...people can get boring/drunk. I get ancy.
8:10pm: I take another shot of Jäger.
8:13pm: Lori decides its time to leave as well. We take another shot of Jäger before leaving.
8:35pm: We arrive at some Irish pub in Frisco (odd isn't it?). We get yes another shot of Jäger. I at this point am still not feeling the after affects of the Jäger. So of course I drink more beer and think to myself...its a good night. I have stamina.
8:50pm: We are drinking and singing something about soccer and boobs, I think. I dont know the words to the song, and at this time couldn't mumble them if I did. I believe the song was made up to sing when you were drunk, because no-one new what anyone else was saying, but all were enjoying themselves. I dont believe there was an Irish person in this bar.
9:30pm: more stamina. Early isnt it?
9:45pm: I order a beer and think about a cab ride home. (Which is only a few miles)
10:00pm: forgot about the cab, but not the beer. At this time I have decided to play some pool with some really yuppie people. Not sure how much trash I talked to them, but they didnt play pool with me very long and Lori thought I was hilarious. (Both of us are housed by this time).
10:20ish: (now I am making up times, because I dont remember...not like the times above are accurate either). I believe I remember briefly about the cab ride home...however, I still didnt leave the bar.
11:00pm: I think Lori has out drank and out stood me many of times already on this very night.
11:30pm: I believe we leave around this time. I drive home. Not a good idea. However, I make it flawlessly (to me)
11:45pm: Lori had followed me home. We get home and she informs me that she needs to use my restroom. Ok no worries. However, she heads up before my zooted head could make it out of the car. I finally get out, and realize she is not going to be able to get in...Bright idea! I'm not going to run, so let me through the keys to her...uhhhh she missed. (Or I missed). I look at her with this sort of dog look. Head tilted, eyes glazed with a retarded nature, and say uhhh, WTF happened to my keys? She laughs hysterically and I giggle slightly...drunk.
12:00am: I decide...lets call the 911 and ask for the non-emergency police number. Hmmm it is sort of an emergency...two drunks need to use the bathroom? Right? Ok whatever, I called. I slurringly (if thats a word) ask for the non emergency police number. I get it...but I dont write it down.
12:01am: I called 911 again...typed it into Lori's phone (smart thinking) and began to call the number. I hang up...
Rich: Hey Lori
Lori: What?!! <-- really needs to pee
Rich: Why dont you call and say that you threw them up there...
Ok, so Im a schmuck. Whatever?!. She called and made some quick elaborate story about how she has some shoulder issue, and that it caused him to miss the person she was so violently throwing the keys at and how they are on the 3rd floor roof now.

12:30am: the fire department shows up. They are amused to be out of the station. Good for me. However, my drunk ass is standing next to the car laughing because this is somewhat amusing to me, and I'm drunk.
Ok so here are a few pictures of the fire fighters...

On your way to the roof Mary Poppins!

Go for it, just throw'em down to me...I could see (it was night time) and he threw the keys to me from up there. I had my hands out...and the keys landed about 10 feet from where I was standing...I looked real cool!
12:45am: The fire fighters leave and the residence in my building are getting a good laugh at me. I drunkenly ask the fire fighters...
Rich: How much do I owe you...knowing dam good and well, I didnt have jack shit to give those good ole boys.
Firefighter: Nothing.
Firefighter to Lori: You should play softball.
Lori: I have to pee
Rich: Blank stare...follows Lori.
12:50am: I make it inside; Lori pees...I then follow suit and I pee.
12:55am: Lori leaves. The following are from clues I found in the morning... I dont remember doing or not doing these things.
5:30am: I wake up. I mouth feels like I just ate a turd and smell like an old womens bingo parlor. I stand up with much confusion and notice I only have one shoe off, there is an empty bowl of (Im assuming cereal) and an empty plate (of I have no idea. I must have licked it clean). I make my way into the kitchen to wash the turd out of my mouth before I get it all over my toothbrush. And there it is I notice a zip lock bag on my counter.
Whats in it you ask? It is milk...yes milk. I stood in confusion for a second, then I wondered to myself? did I not make it to my bed. Or get my other shoe off, but I managed to pour milk into a zip lock bag and close it successfully without making a mess.

Moral of this story.....
There is none. Just think before drinking on a week night I suppose...enjoy.

- Rich

Thursday, August 21, 2008